Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sparkling Argentinean

(a toast with the sparkling wine with gold flecks in it that we convinced a winery to open for us at the end of the evening)
Last night I splurged on attending the NY Wine Expo.  It was great fun and I sampled wines from all over.  My favorite being a sparkling Argentinean dessert wine that I sampled.  Quite tasty and definitely one I want to find and enjoy again.  Although I did have an enjoyable time, I don't think I will attend another wine expo.  It was just too impersonal to really enjoy and taste the wines.  I much prefer to visit the actual wineries, and hear a bit more about the individual wines and how they were made and have actual time to savor each wine and taste them.  I felt a bit rushed and like it was an inconvenience if I wanted to taste more than one of a wineries offerings...  mostly because there had been a crowd of people in front of me, and there was a crowd of people behind me all vying to sample the same things.  

Tomorrow I have to tackle boxes and packing...  which seeing as its supposed to be rainy and snowy seems like a good way to spend the day.  Although I wish I could ignore the boxes and curl up with my knitting and get more done on my sweater.  Hopefully I'll get some of both done.  

I'm trying to remain at peace about the rest of my life.  Its been 4 weeks since C and I spoke...  which saddens and angers me.  I'm trying to remain optimistic about mom and her prognosis.  I'm excited about school and nervous about working and going to school at the same time.  There are moments of feeling like I'm on a roller coaster, but I also know that all the twists and turns that I'm having now will eventually give way to a bit of track that has fewer loop de loops.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Pink and Purple Stripes

I've been helping good friends of mine redecorate their house.  They've just finished remodeling their basement, and two days ago, we moved onto the nursery (for the second daughter they are expecting in April).  The colors for the nursery were chosen by their almost three year old daughter... who is the ultimate in girly girl, for a three year old at least.  We painted a wall in stripes yesterday, and if I must say so, I'm good at this striped wall thing.  It came out looking really cool and added this fun touch the room.  (and I tried to convince the three year old she wanted to convince her dad to paint polka dots in her room...  I don't think I was successful though....).  I am very glad I am just renting my apartment though, as I have no desire to paint anything else in the near future. 

I did get good news on my place in Chicago.  It looks like my friend will be able to close on her new place by the start of the second week of March.  YAY.  I'm so relieved I don't have to look for other options.  I have movers coming on Tuesday to give me a quote of how much its going to cost me to get my stuff to Chicago.  I had thought of going with a UHaul, but I'd need people to help me carry boxes and mattresses and tvs up two flights of stairs, and I just don't have those.  So, paying others to do it is the way to go.  

And the semi good news on mom is that there was only one small patch that had "bad" cells in it.  Everything else was clear.  She gets to see an oncologist on Tuesday, who will give her the next steps...  which could be treatments, test or just monitoring.  But it sounds like its the best news to come out of this situation.  

And now I'm off to visit some friends and drink some wine for the night.  To enjoy a day or two before I burry myself in boxes and boxes of stuff.  Of which I have lots.  :)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Isn't there any good news?

Today was another day of not so good news.  I still wait to hear about when I can get into my apartment.  I'm going to have to start looking at other places next week if I don't hear anything.  I want to be in a place by March 15th, as orientation for classes is on April 2nd.  That gives me half the month to get settled and explore my new city and figure out how I'm going to work 1.5 hours outside the city and take classes in the city three nights a week.  

The not so good news comes in the form of mom's test results.  The preliminary results came back with that dreaded 6 letter word.  I keep hoping that when the tests from the bigger hospital come back, they show that the test from the smaller hospital is wrong.  I'm not quite sure how to take it.  Or how to process it.  Its like this every growing stack of challenges I have to face these days.  And I don't know why they are being stacked against me (although I'm not sure that is the word I want to use). 

Does anyone have the magic wand to wave?  

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Lookie!  Lookie!  I made a sweater!!

I'm so happy with how it came out.  The sleeve shaping could have gone a bit better, but for the most part you can't tell that when I have it on.  And the bottom button is a bit crocked, but for my first experience with button sewing...  I can't complain.  It adds a touch of character, yes?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Almost there

Well, the sweater is at least.  

I've got about 8 lace repeats of the last sleeve left to do.  Then blocking and buttons.  Hopefully I can sew on buttons straight.  I've never sewn a button before.  I always took the lazy route and had the dry cleaners repair buttons in the past.  Perhaps this will be the start to a new talent.  

The last skein of yarn was horribly tangled.  I put it on my swift and connected an end to my ball winder, as one normally would do.  But half a turn of the winder had the skein being pulled off the swift and yielding quite the mess.  It took me almost two hours to untangle the mess, which ended up being three piece of yarn.  One really long one, one kind of long one, and one really short one.  I've never had a skein with multiple yarn piece in it before.  As I started to untangle it, it felt like a metaphor for my life right now.  I feel like its a tangled up mess of pieces.  I only hope that I can be as successful at untangling that mess as I was at untangling my yarn.  

I never heard anything more from my friend as to any updates on what is going on.  In part, I want to start looking for other places, but its so hard to judge a place based on pictures alone.  Especially, when I am comparing those pictures to the loveliness of the apartment that I already did see.  I am thinking it will work out, but I don't want to trust that it will work out and then be scrambling to find a place and get loans secured and get settled in at the last minute before starting classes.  (I feel like that tangled mess of yarn!)

Its been a dull Saturday night around here.  I made another batch of cookies...  a version of chocolate chip with toffee chips added in as well.  Not quite as tasty as the chocolate chip ones of last week.  I think these ones had too much butter (is there such a thing?).  I'm working on getting a plan that will allow me to link to a site where I can have the recipes I make and create a database of them, along with notes and hints and tips.  I think I have a good idea, but I'm also debating a new site for this blog too, so I have to make my decision on that first. (and again, tangled mess....  can't a snap of my fingers just solve everything?)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Tick Tock, tick tock

I'm still waiting for news on when I get to move.  I did finally hear back after reemailing again today.  But she doesn't know anything more about when they get to move.  ARGH.  She might know more tomorrow.  I'm anxious to get out there and settled in.  And anxious to get working...  I've gotten emails from the lighting shop about when I'll be out there, which is good, but bad when I can't tell them an answer.  And I need to get working so I can better apply for loans to pay for the rest of school.  I did one loan preliminary application today, and they want to charge me 12% interest on what I borrow.  Which just seems ridiculous for a school loan.  I'm hoping that applying to a private loan, as opposed to Sallie Mae will give me a lower interest rate.  But, in order for that to happen, I need to have a job, and in order to have a job I need to be in Chicago.  Everything is hinging on everything else.  

I'm believing that it will all work out, and sooner rather than later, but there is that slight doubt in the back of my mind...  Every now and then, the anxiety takes hold and I freak out about what is going on in my life.  Why can't I just get one stressful situation at a time instead of the four or five that I'm currently dealing with?  

I'm trying to distract myself with knitting.  I've almost got one full sleeve on my sweater.  I'm hoping to have it (sleeve 1) completed tonight.  And then the sweater will almost be wearable.  I also did a swirl of the JoJoLand Swirl Shawl.  I think the swirls will make for quick little knits that I can work on between things, as it only took about an hour to get a swirl done.  At least I'm not just sitting and watching bad tv...  I'm actually creating something while I do so.  

Monday, February 16, 2009

Is it time to move just yet?

I'm starting to stress a little bit about my future apartment.  I emailed my friend who is living there now to find out if she had a new closing date for the place she is purchasing, but she has yet to get back to me, 5 days later.  I hope I'm not going to have to do an apartment search from afar for a different place.  But, I'm a little stressed at the lack of response.  

It was an ok weekend, despite being bombarded with jewelry ads and chocolate for the first portion of it.  I spent Valentine's Day with a bunch of gay boys...  which was fabulous.  We ate chinese and talked about every subject under the sun.  Very low key, and full of laughs.

The down point was tonight, when driving home from hanging with my brother and his wife, the radio played three songs back to back that Crash and I felt had described our relationship.  They were songs that made us think of each other or that we had played for each other.  It was like a punch in the stomach, as I can't for the life of me understand why we are where we are right now.  I don't like being estranged from someone I love.  Its so hard to trust that I'm where I'm supposed to be, when so much feels confused in my heart.  

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Boycotting the day..

I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day.  Its so overdone.  All the jewelry adds (especially the Jared ones), and the pushing of love in your face.  I'm all for love, but this year, well, it just makes me miss what I had a bit more.  I don't feel it any less.  Although it is tinged slightly with anger, disappointment, and a host of other emotions in regard to the lack of communication and sudden change of things in my life.  

I'm trying to focus on the loving me side of things.  In general and today.  And when it comes down to it, I have lots to love in life.  Friends, family, new adventures, the adventures I have had (who else can say they saw 35 of the 50 states this year alone?), somedays I have to convince myself I am the fabulous person that I am and that not having a husband or kids yet doesn't determine my fabulousness.  If I had those things, I'd not have been able to travel for my job like I have for the last two years.  I'd not be able to pick up and move to a new city to start school just because I know its time to do that.  And I do love me a good new adventure...  

Ok, enough of love...  Time for chocolate!  :)  (insert mug of hot chocolate here!)

I'm making progress on my sweater.  I had to rip back my sleeve, as I had attached it on the wrong side.  So, I had been knitting it inside out.  I thought something looked odd, but I couldn't quite figure it out.  Then I looked closely and realized that the body of the sweater was on the purl side, while the arm was on the knit side.  I'm almost to the elbow on the left sleeve though...  won't be long now til I have a full sweater.

And now I must go get ready for the 10th annual anti Valentine's Day Party.  

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I got mail!

The post man brought me my swap package today.  NutmegKnitter sent me some great stuff.  I've already eaten half of the Flipz (they are my favorite!) and I had been looking at the hot cocoa for a month now, every time I set foot in a Target.  I can't wait to actually try a cup.  And Tony (the blah buster tiger) is adorable.  THANK YOU!!  (Hopefully this new yarn will bring me a complete pair of socks...  as opposed to just a portion of a pair.)

And for the week 4 topic, I'd have to say fall is my favorite season.  It is the one I missed the most when I was living in Vegas, the land of no seasons at all.  Nothing compares to the colors of Fall, especially here in New England.  I love the red of the sugar maples.  

I'm making some great progress on my sweater.  I bound off the body the other day and started in on one of the arms.  I'm using a two circular needle approach, as the magic loop method didn't really work for me, and although I thought I had size 8 dpns I really had size 9s.  Which suddenly explains to me the difference between end one of Crash's scarf and end 2...  I was trying to figure out why it seemed skinnier when I finished it.  Its because I knit half of it on 9s, and half of it on 8s....  hmmm....  

I think I may have second fingerless mitt syndrome.  Even with the tease of a contest if I get them done by Saturday, I've yet to cast mitt two on.  

Thank you everyone for the congratulations on my acceptance.  I just need to find out when I can move into my apartment and start my journey half way across the country.  I'm planning a stop at Niagara Falls, as I've never seen it before, and its one of those must see things on my list.  And figure out all those need to buy things in order to fully set up an apartment.  

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


I got the official letter in the mail today.  I was accepted to the program I applied to and will be starting culinary training in April in Chicago.  Who's coming to visit me and eat my homework?

Now to just pack all the boxes, hire a moving van, drive out there, unpack, buy a couch and new pillows, decorate....  I think I'll stop there, for that list sounds a bit daunting right now.

Monday, February 9, 2009

I think I got good news today...

This morning, the financial aid office from potential future school called me.  And wanted to discuss my award letter and if I was interested in taking out loans for my everyday living expenses.  The call concluded with the counselor telling me he would be putting my award letter in the mail before the days end.  I think this means I must be accepted.  You don't get financial aid award letters unless you need financial aid, right?  I don't want to get my hopes up or assume anything until I have the letter that says "Congratulations, welcome to the class of 2010!"  

Hopefully I will have more certain news on that soon.

I am trying to focus on the fact that no matter where I end up and what happens, it is what is meant to happen and where I am supposed to be.  I know culinary school is where I am supposed to be.  I have wanted to go for more than a year now, but kept saying to myself, I'll do that later, when I'm done with this, when I have more money, when I...  etc.  And then I suddenly realized why do I keep saying I'll do this when x,y or z happens?  Why aren't I doing it now?  I guess I just don't know if Chicago is where I'm supposed to go.  But then again, I got an admissions counselor who wore cowboy boots and was a roadie too...  

So, I'm trying to just look forward.  I think it will be much easier once I have the letter that tells me if my future is at this school or not.  Right now I feel stalled.  I've never been good at waiting.  

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I think i ate too many cookies...

Mom got to come home from the hospital this morning.  And aside of the fact that her bed is too tall to get in and out of easily, is enjoying being home.  She's recovering well, and not even needing pain killers.  A side effect of the medicines they did give her seems to be that food doesn't taste all that good, so she asked for chewy chocolate chip cookies.  I gladly obliged, and then ate too many myself.  But, oh they tasted good.  I think I found a virtually perfect recipe for chocolate chip cookies...  and then made it better with a blend of milk and semi sweet chips.  
I need to get back to my knitting.  I want to get my other fingerless mitt done this week.  Its starting to get warmer here (hopefully winter is drawing to a close) and I'd like to wear them before spring.  And I really want to finish up my sweater and start on the next one.  I think I have 3 inches or so of the lace left on the body and then I am able to switch over to the sleeves.  

And hopefully there will be good news from school in the next few days.  I am so anxious to know if I was accepted or not.  

Now if only I could kill this feeling inside.  The wanting him to call, but having no clue what I would want to say (if I want to yell cause I feel hurt and left behind, or just listen and know how he's been and what he's been going through).  The missing of the conversations we used to have, and that I wonder if we ever will again.  I know that I need to focus on me, which is something I am trying to do.  But I still want one of his hugs and his words to comfort me as I try to deal with all these other stresses of life.  One thing I do know is that I am looking forward to being in a new place that is mine.  I realized that I do like being alone...  truly alone...  in a space that is mine.  And I can't wait to have that again.  

And I also need to get my Cocoa Swap Package into the mail.  Its been a bit difficult to put together, as the sendee never posted much on her blog.  And then I had these issues with an seller who hadn't mailed out a mug I purchased four days after I had paid for it and then got touchy when I asked why there seemed to be a shipping delay.  She ended up canceling out my order, and now I need to find a different mug and box everything up so it can be on its way.  

Thursday, February 5, 2009


Although not as smooth as the doctors hoped, Mom came through the surgery and is on the recovery road.  I didn't get to see her today...  the surgery took double the time they thought, so it was after visiting hours before she made it to her room.  I'll go visit tomorrow, and combine a visit to her and helping some friends paint there basement on Saturday.  And if things go well, she'll be home on Sunday.  

I'm still waiting to hear news from culinary school.  But, I've had a more up day than I've had all week today.  I wish I had work to distract me...  but that will come soon enough.  Its good that I'm home and here at this point in the path of life.  I'd be a mess if I was out on the road and mom was going through everything that is happening now.  

Even if I don't get it right now, there really is a bigger plan than mine in action.  

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Is it over yet?

I'm ready to be done with this unemployed/depressed stuff already.  Its been three weeks since tour ended, and I'm slowly going crazy.  I know in part its due to the stress of life (with mom, C and the waiting to hear about school), but I'm sitting on my couch doing nothing most days.  I can't even get motivated to go to Target.  I wish I had the motivation of a job to get me out of the house and doing something to keep my mind busy and not stuck in this pit that it is in.  I think too much, and the most unproductive of thoughts.  I feel a bit lost and alone.  

I'm still waiting to hear from school and if they are going to accept me or not.  I'm very anxious over that...  and slightly pessimistic with everything else that has gone on in life as of late.  I don't know why they wouldn't accept me, but I still fear they won't want me as a student.  

Tomorrow is mom's surgery.  At least then she'll be on the full way to recovery, as opposed to this in between state she's been in for the last week.  Hopefully she'll quickly recover, as I can't imagine how stressful this house will be with three out of work, overly bored, antsy people stuck in it.  UGH!  

If only I could be in Chicago now.  I could be working and busy enough to keep my mind occupied and not dwelling on everything else that is going on.  

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Sad snow mitts work

I'm having a sad day today.  One where I feel blah and dull and bored.  I miss what I had weeks ago.  I miss having someone to send random messages too all day.  I miss getting random messages that make me smile.  I miss having work to do, especially now cause it might keep my mind occupied and not thinking of all the things I don't have right now.  My head feels like that annoying child that constantly asks why.  Except right now, none of the whys have answers to them.  

I did have a good call this morning, and if I were in Chicago already, I'd be able to be making money.  The lighting company I work for wants me to come work in the shop.  So, hopefully, in a months time when I get out there that offer still stands and I am able to work around school with it and make a decent wage to support my living.  Its a little something to be happy about, but I can't seem to shake this mood.

I spent yesterday and today working on a pair of fingerless mitts.  I have one completed.  I'm happy with everything except the thumb.  It was supposed to be knit, but even though I knit it, it came out in purl stitches.  So apparently I had the stitches on the needles in some sort of backwards manner.  I'm debating pulling it off and trying again as it is a speck tight.  
You can't tell when I put it on though.  So, we'll see.  I do love how the cabling came out and how quickly it knit up.  I did have a couple of false starts with another pattern.  I cast on and got three or four rows in, only to discover that both of my wrists could fit in one mitt at the same time.  Not sure if was the pattern or me...  but I love how this one fits.  Now to just get the second one done.  And the matching hat I have planned.  

Monday, February 2, 2009


So, I thought going away for the weekend, I'd come home and life would be smoother and calmer and less stressful.  Um, not so much.  

Mom is having surgery on Thursday.  Which should be the end of the stress for that situation.  They have confidence that she will heal quickly and be back to normal soon.  But it still is surgery and a 6 week recovery process.  At least that means the end of the issues she's been having.  

In relationship terms, things got more confusing and unsure.  Although, I'm not sure those are the right words to use.  We spent almost all night talking on Wednesday into Thursday.  He is dealing with depression and general unhappiness and uncertain feelings about life.  He doesn't know if he wants the things I want, despite our conversations in the past where he brought them up first.  We didn't pull the plug on our relationship, but I'm not quite sure where we can go from here.  The issues that we deal with independently mirror each other, and perhaps that is bad for us together in a romantic sense.  Right now, I feel a bit lost and confused.  Trying to deal with all the changes in life and know that maybe what I want and what he wants aren't the same, but I will be ok even if that is the case.  

I did splurge on lots of yarn on my NYC field trip this weekend.  Unfortunately its all in purple.  I really need to branch out in my color choices.  I also had a great time catching up with friends.  Dinners were low key and filled with good food and wine and conversations, which is what I was looking for.