Is it over yet?

I'm ready to be done with this unemployed/depressed stuff already.  Its been three weeks since tour ended, and I'm slowly going crazy.  I know in part its due to the stress of life (with mom, C and the waiting to hear about school), but I'm sitting on my couch doing nothing most days.  I can't even get motivated to go to Target.  I wish I had the motivation of a job to get me out of the house and doing something to keep my mind busy and not stuck in this pit that it is in.  I think too much, and the most unproductive of thoughts.  I feel a bit lost and alone.  

I'm still waiting to hear from school and if they are going to accept me or not.  I'm very anxious over that...  and slightly pessimistic with everything else that has gone on in life as of late.  I don't know why they wouldn't accept me, but I still fear they won't want me as a student.  

Tomorrow is mom's surgery.  At least then she'll be on the full way to recovery, as opposed to this in between state she's been in for the last week.  Hopefully she'll quickly recover, as I can't imagine how stressful this house will be with three out of work, overly bored, antsy people stuck in it.  UGH!  

If only I could be in Chicago now.  I could be working and busy enough to keep my mind occupied and not dwelling on everything else that is going on.  

Sad snow mitts work

I'm having a sad day today.  One where I feel blah and dull and bored.  I miss what I had weeks ago.  I miss having someone to send random messages too all day.  I miss getting random messages that make me smile.  I miss having work to do, especially now cause it might keep my mind occupied and not thinking of all the things I don't have right now.  My head feels like that annoying child that constantly asks why.  Except right now, none of the whys have answers to them.  

I did have a good call this morning, and if I were in Chicago already, I'd be able to be making money.  The lighting company I work for wants me to come work in the shop.  So, hopefully, in a months time when I get out there that offer still stands and I am able to work around school with it and make a decent wage to support my living.  Its a little something to be happy about, but I can't seem to shake this mood.

I spent yesterday and today working on a pair of fingerless mitts.  I have one completed.  I'm happy with everything except the thumb.  It was supposed to be knit, but even though I knit it, it came out in purl stitches.  So apparently I had the stitches on the needles in some sort of backwards manner.  I'm debating pulling it off and trying again as it is a speck tight.  

You can't tell when I put it on though.  So, we'll see.  I do love how the cabling came out and how quickly it knit up.  I did have a couple of false starts with another pattern.  I cast on and got three or four rows in, only to discover that both of my wrists could fit in one mitt at the same time.  Not sure if was the pattern or me...  but I love how this one fits.  Now to just get the second one done.  And the matching hat I have planned.  

REALLY REALLY?

So, I thought going away for the weekend, I'd come home and life would be smoother and calmer and less stressful.  Um, not so much.  

Mom is having surgery on Thursday.  Which should be the end of the stress for that situation.  They have confidence that she will heal quickly and be back to normal soon.  But it still is surgery and a 6 week recovery process.  At least that means the end of the issues she's been having.  

In relationship terms, things got more confusing and unsure.  Although, I'm not sure those are the right words to use.  We spent almost all night talking on Wednesday into Thursday.  He is dealing with depression and general unhappiness and uncertain feelings about life.  He doesn't know if he wants the things I want, despite our conversations in the past where he brought them up first.  We didn't pull the plug on our relationship, but I'm not quite sure where we can go from here.  The issues that we deal with independently mirror each other, and perhaps that is bad for us together in a romantic sense.  Right now, I feel a bit lost and confused.  Trying to deal with all the changes in life and know that maybe what I want and what he wants aren't the same, but I will be ok even if that is the case.  

I did splurge on lots of yarn on my NYC field trip this weekend.  Unfortunately its all in purple.  I really need to branch out in my color choices.  I also had a great time catching up with friends.  Dinners were low key and filled with good food and wine and conversations, which is what I was looking for.  

REALLY?

Its been a hellish few days in my world.  My mom has been in and out of the hospital since Saturday.  She's potentially looking at some major surgery of the female sort in the next few days and definitely in the next few weeks.  Its been a scary/stressful/I don't want to play any more time in life.  Keep her in your prayers for me, if you would...  

I'm off to NYC tomorrow for a few days.  And hoping the snow they are predicting isn't too bad for my drive.  I get to see C, as he'll be playing MSG.  We're planning on turning his hotel room into a beach for the night...  as both of us just need to escape.  Paper umbrellas in our sodas and white sands around a blow up pool while it snows outside.  Might be kind of fun, no?  He wants to see Ground Zero as well.  And then I'll spend the rest of the weekend with my girlfriends.  A quiet night of dinner and wine bar on Friday, and then dinner and drinks on Saturday.  I'm looking forward to seeing everyone that I haven't seen in several months.  And spending some time in the city.  I think I might try to hit the Met...  and definitely some of the yarn stores...  I'm hoping to find some buttons for my sweater and something fun for my swap partner.  

I'm not sure I'll be back before my return home on Sunday night.  I'm thinking not, as I'm not planning to travel with the computer for this trip.  For the cocoa swap week #3 topic, I like my cocoa naked for the most part.  Unless I'm splurging on it at Starbucks, and then I get it with the whipped cream.  Or someone else has set out marshmallows for me.  I'm much too lazy to go find them myself, and they go stale before I am able to use them all, so I rarely keep them on hand.

I want to go HERE!

Doesn't it look like fun?  Knitting in the Alps.  Who wants to join me?  I think I'm going to start saving.  Maybe I'll go next year...  as a graduation present to myself.  

I made croissants tonight.  From scratch.  I have to work on my dough rolling skills, but other than that, I am quite impressed with myself.  They are doughy and flaky all at the same time.  

Although we do have lots of them to eat in the next day (I've had four already!).  Butter overload!  (there is an entire pound in the recipe!)

I'm also making great progress on my FLS sweater.  I'm so happy with the yarn and the look of it as it knits up.  

I'm glad I marked off the lace in sections...  I've had a couple instances of forgetting a yarn over, but luckily with the markings I did, I can catch it close to where it was missed and its not obvious in the pattern.  I think I've got about 10-12 lace repeats before I get to the bottom of the body.  I need to start looking for some cool buttons.  

In the more personal saga updates...  C and I have finally talked, and things are better.  Not all the way better, but on their way.  For some reason, just after visits together, something gets out of whack with us.  He starts thinking of the future a bit too much...  and that always creates issues.  So hopefully, he'll stop thinking, and we can just enjoy what we have...  which is pretty darn good.  

And now I return to my boring Friday night at home.  May your Friday nights be more exciting than mine.  

Hot Cocoa, My way...

I missed the topic of the week for the first week...  Mostly cause I procrastinated too long.  So, here's this weeks topic...  Hot Cocoa, my way...

2 ounces strong espresso

1 quantity of your favorite hot chocolate mix (homemade mix up or packet)

3 to 4 ounces vanilla silk soy milk

Dissolve the hot chocolate mix in the espresso.  Add the soy milk and steam to desired temperature and frothiness.  Enjoy with marshmallows or whipped cream or other topping of your choice.  If you want a bit more flavor, add in a splash of Torani syrup in your favorite flavor.  

Enjoy in a thick mug...  preferably while not running around like a mad woman making sure there is no mess on any tables and no one has dropped food on the chafers while serving themselves lunch and that there is enough soda and water in the fridge and napkins in the basket.  (yes, I am scared from work...  Its so nice to have the time to enjoy hot beverages curled up with my knitting or a good book now!)

Another day at home

Its been a fairly productive day for me.  I got most of my application put together for culinary school.  I wrote the main essay about something that had influenced me.  I wrote about my paternal grandmother and paternal great grandmother.  Neither of whom I had the chance to meet, but who managed to influence me.  My great grandmother with a love of cooking - she had a room in her house dedicated to raviolis, and my grandmother with her love of knitting.  I have to do some final editing work on the personal statement about work experience and previous school experience...  but the plan is to get that done tonight so I can mail it all off tomorrow.  I've been told I'll know the results in less than two weeks.  

I've still not heard a word from C.  Its been since Saturday night on the way to the airport that we had a conversation.  I don't know what's going on.  My email and texts have been ignored.  I'm confused and curious.  Does silence speak volumes or is no news good news?  Now my life is a country song and a cliche....  

I need to get back into my knitting.  I want to get my sweater done.  Its been sitting since Friday.  I just can't seem to focus enough to pick up the needles.  I also need to get my blah buster done for my swap partner.  I've found the pattern I'm going to use, and it shouldn't take me long once I get started on it.  Maybe during Top Chef tonight...  I have several hours of catch up to accomplish before tonight's episode.  Prime time for knitting.  And hopefully not too much thinking.