Is it time to move just yet?

I'm starting to stress a little bit about my future apartment.  I emailed my friend who is living there now to find out if she had a new closing date for the place she is purchasing, but she has yet to get back to me, 5 days later.  I hope I'm not going to have to do an apartment search from afar for a different place.  But, I'm a little stressed at the lack of response.  

It was an ok weekend, despite being bombarded with jewelry ads and chocolate for the first portion of it.  I spent Valentine's Day with a bunch of gay boys...  which was fabulous.  We ate chinese and talked about every subject under the sun.  Very low key, and full of laughs.

The down point was tonight, when driving home from hanging with my brother and his wife, the radio played three songs back to back that Crash and I felt had described our relationship.  They were songs that made us think of each other or that we had played for each other.  It was like a punch in the stomach, as I can't for the life of me understand why we are where we are right now.  I don't like being estranged from someone I love.  Its so hard to trust that I'm where I'm supposed to be, when so much feels confused in my heart.  

Boycotting the day..

I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day.  Its so overdone.  All the jewelry adds (especially the Jared ones), and the pushing of love in your face.  I'm all for love, but this year, well, it just makes me miss what I had a bit more.  I don't feel it any less.  Although it is tinged slightly with anger, disappointment, and a host of other emotions in regard to the lack of communication and sudden change of things in my life.  

I'm trying to focus on the loving me side of things.  In general and today.  And when it comes down to it, I have lots to love in life.  Friends, family, new adventures, the adventures I have had (who else can say they saw 35 of the 50 states this year alone?), somedays I have to convince myself I am the fabulous person that I am and that not having a husband or kids yet doesn't determine my fabulousness.  If I had those things, I'd not have been able to travel for my job like I have for the last two years.  I'd not be able to pick up and move to a new city to start school just because I know its time to do that.  And I do love me a good new adventure...  

Ok, enough of love...  Time for chocolate!  :)  (insert mug of hot chocolate here!)

I'm making progress on my sweater.  I had to rip back my sleeve, as I had attached it on the wrong side.  So, I had been knitting it inside out.  I thought something looked odd, but I couldn't quite figure it out.  Then I looked closely and realized that the body of the sweater was on the purl side, while the arm was on the knit side.  I'm almost to the elbow on the left sleeve though...  won't be long now til I have a full sweater.

And now I must go get ready for the 10th annual anti Valentine's Day Party.  

I got mail!

The post man brought me my swap package today.  NutmegKnitter sent me some great stuff.  I've already eaten half of the Flipz (they are my favorite!) and I had been looking at the hot cocoa for a month now, every time I set foot in a Target.  I can't wait to actually try a cup.  And Tony (the blah buster tiger) is adorable.  THANK YOU!!  (Hopefully this new yarn will bring me a complete pair of socks...  as opposed to just a portion of a pair.)

And for the week 4 topic, I'd have to say fall is my favorite season.  It is the one I missed the most when I was living in Vegas, the land of no seasons at all.  Nothing compares to the colors of Fall, especially here in New England.  I love the red of the sugar maples.  

I'm making some great progress on my sweater.  I bound off the body the other day and started in on one of the arms.  I'm using a two circular needle approach, as the magic loop method didn't really work for me, and although I thought I had size 8 dpns I really had size 9s.  Which suddenly explains to me the difference between end one of Crash's scarf and end 2...  I was trying to figure out why it seemed skinnier when I finished it.  Its because I knit half of it on 9s, and half of it on 8s....  hmmm....  

I think I may have second fingerless mitt syndrome.  Even with the tease of a contest if I get them done by Saturday, I've yet to cast mitt two on.  

Thank you everyone for the congratulations on my acceptance.  I just need to find out when I can move into my apartment and start my journey half way across the country.  I'm planning a stop at Niagara Falls, as I've never seen it before, and its one of those must see things on my list.  And figure out all those need to buy things in order to fully set up an apartment.  

ACCEPTED!

I got the official letter in the mail today.  I was accepted to the program I applied to and will be starting culinary training in April in Chicago.  Who's coming to visit me and eat my homework?

Now to just pack all the boxes, hire a moving van, drive out there, unpack, buy a couch and new pillows, decorate....  I think I'll stop there, for that list sounds a bit daunting right now.

I think I got good news today...

This morning, the financial aid office from potential future school called me.  And wanted to discuss my award letter and if I was interested in taking out loans for my everyday living expenses.  The call concluded with the counselor telling me he would be putting my award letter in the mail before the days end.  I think this means I must be accepted.  You don't get financial aid award letters unless you need financial aid, right?  I don't want to get my hopes up or assume anything until I have the letter that says "Congratulations, welcome to the class of 2010!"  

Hopefully I will have more certain news on that soon.

I am trying to focus on the fact that no matter where I end up and what happens, it is what is meant to happen and where I am supposed to be.  I know culinary school is where I am supposed to be.  I have wanted to go for more than a year now, but kept saying to myself, I'll do that later, when I'm done with this, when I have more money, when I...  etc.  And then I suddenly realized why do I keep saying I'll do this when x,y or z happens?  Why aren't I doing it now?  I guess I just don't know if Chicago is where I'm supposed to go.  But then again, I got an admissions counselor who wore cowboy boots and was a roadie too...  

So, I'm trying to just look forward.  I think it will be much easier once I have the letter that tells me if my future is at this school or not.  Right now I feel stalled.  I've never been good at waiting.  

I think i ate too many cookies...

Mom got to come home from the hospital this morning.  And aside of the fact that her bed is too tall to get in and out of easily, is enjoying being home.  She's recovering well, and not even needing pain killers.  A side effect of the medicines they did give her seems to be that food doesn't taste all that good, so she asked for chewy chocolate chip cookies.  I gladly obliged, and then ate too many myself.  But, oh they tasted good.  I think I found a virtually perfect recipe for chocolate chip cookies...  and then made it better with a blend of milk and semi sweet chips.  

I need to get back to my knitting.  I want to get my other fingerless mitt done this week.  Its starting to get warmer here (hopefully winter is drawing to a close) and I'd like to wear them before spring.  And I really want to finish up my sweater and start on the next one.  I think I have 3 inches or so of the lace left on the body and then I am able to switch over to the sleeves.  

And hopefully there will be good news from school in the next few days.  I am so anxious to know if I was accepted or not.  

Now if only I could kill this feeling inside.  The wanting him to call, but having no clue what I would want to say (if I want to yell cause I feel hurt and left behind, or just listen and know how he's been and what he's been going through).  The missing of the conversations we used to have, and that I wonder if we ever will again.  I know that I need to focus on me, which is something I am trying to do.  But I still want one of his hugs and his words to comfort me as I try to deal with all these other stresses of life.  One thing I do know is that I am looking forward to being in a new place that is mine.  I realized that I do like being alone...  truly alone...  in a space that is mine.  And I can't wait to have that again.  

And I also need to get my Cocoa Swap Package into the mail.  Its been a bit difficult to put together, as the sendee never posted much on her blog.  And then I had these issues with an etsy.com seller who hadn't mailed out a mug I purchased four days after I had paid for it and then got touchy when I asked why there seemed to be a shipping delay.  She ended up canceling out my order, and now I need to find a different mug and box everything up so it can be on its way.  

Recovery

Although not as smooth as the doctors hoped, Mom came through the surgery and is on the recovery road.  I didn't get to see her today...  the surgery took double the time they thought, so it was after visiting hours before she made it to her room.  I'll go visit tomorrow, and combine a visit to her and helping some friends paint there basement on Saturday.  And if things go well, she'll be home on Sunday.  

I'm still waiting to hear news from culinary school.  But, I've had a more up day than I've had all week today.  I wish I had work to distract me...  but that will come soon enough.  Its good that I'm home and here at this point in the path of life.  I'd be a mess if I was out on the road and mom was going through everything that is happening now.  

Even if I don't get it right now, there really is a bigger plan than mine in action.