Ice cream and kleenex

I'm in a state of confusion and pain. Crash ended our relationship this afternoon. There were so many reasons he listed off, from being afraid we are too different to make it work (religion, politics, country boy vs city girl) to not trusting me due to his over reacting to a text message last week. He thinks I deserve something better than he is, than he can give me. But its him I fell in love with... and I feel like he's tossing me aside and getting rid of our relationship and love. It hurts. And I don't understand it. I spent so long getting over D and our messed up relationship, to only be thrust back into a similar situation what seems like days after finding love. I don't understand why I fell for someone to only have them break my heart. I don't understand how we can feel so at home in each others arms and then have him not want to make this work. I don't understand how two days ago he was talking of where we would live in two years. It hurts.

In the end, I know that if it was meant to be, it will work out. And that if it wasn't, I'll move on and get over it. I fought so hard to not fall for him, but in the end I couldn't. And now I'm so hurt. I don't understand why that happens. Why did God let me fall in love to break my heart again? It doesn't add up. Especially when Crash constantly tells me he wants to prosper you not harm you... well, right now, it certainly seems like he's out to harm me.

I know he cares... he still wants to beat up D for all the pain he caused me. I know that him loving me is not something he took lightly. Part of me hopes he realizes that this is just a stress of our lives and we need to work through it. But I also don't want to hold out too much hope and be disappointed. He wants to still be in my life...

And now I must attempt to sleep, as I have to spend 16 hours at work tomorrow, starting at 6 am... UGH. Send prayers of peace and healing.... I need them.