What a week...

After my weekend of being buried in paper hell, I followed it up with a very long week. Work was work, and no more busy than any other week. I did a lot of show prep, which was fun for a change, and got me away from two very negative coworkers that have been getting on my nerves in the service room. One who has decided to not like me, and get all snarky with on several occasions. Like reminding me of pieces of my job that need to be done when she has no idea how to do my job. My job is the same whether I fix a light in room A or room B, and you couldn't fix one if your life depended on it, so don't assume I'm going to not do something because I'm in another room. The downside to show prep is that I'm going to be very sore tomorrow. I lifting things that weight 75 pounds or so today. By myself. I coiled cables, hundreds and hundred of feet worth of cables. I'm hoping my forearms don't suffer too much, as I'd like to knit tomorrow.

The rough part of the week were the thoughts in my head. I got very much into the thoughts of the one things I seem to want in life (marriage and kids) and not having it. I was feeling very lonely and I fixated on the things that are missing from my life, rather than all the things i do have. It took a reminder that I have so many things going for me - school, job, people fighting over me at said job (apparently everyone wants me to work on their teams these days), the chance to professionally cook for people, health, an apartment in the city that I really do love, etc. So much that I thought I had planned out for this year never panned out - some in good ways, as I'm glad I didn't get my original Chicago apartment, as I realize now I'd hate the drive - and some in ways that have yet to be determined - C, mainly (I'm worried about him, and how deeply he takes things lately. Its hard to see someone hate their job so much, when just a year ago he had so much passion for it, and taught me so much about it.). My head went to the deep black hole of feeling so alone, and like I'd never get what I wanted and would always be alone. Its a deep and scary place there, and I cried, A LOT. I'm no closer to figuring out why I'm alone, but I'm trying to trust the plan that is my life. Its damn hard to let go of desires and wants though. And I haven't quite figured out how to do it.

On the good news front, mom had a second PET scan, following up the final dose of chemo. And it came back clear. So, now she's onto the next round of surgery and then that will be followed up by radiation therapy.

More posts to come later this weekend. I'm hoping to hit up the local farmers market tomorrow. I hear they have great donuts :). And get some knitting done. And laundry... And maybe, a trip to Loopy...