Is running away an option?

Business first -- Swappy, if you could get in touch with or let me know where to send an email? I have an address update for you.... Otherwise my parents will be getting my scavenger hunt goodies.

And now for the what's going on with me part...

So, the night turned into one of those nights that just gets to you. A comment that gets read the wrong way, however innocent it may be, and suddenly it is all so overwhelming, you don't know what to do. And you aren't really sure how you got their either. I think life has been so insane this week, the constant running, the late nights, the being woken early by work crews outside the window, the running some more, the stress of dealing with people and interviewing, that I just collapsed with a comment that was most likely completely innocent and meant to make a laugh. Instead, it inspired a anxiety attack of the grandest sorts.

The day was going along quite well. I spent it at a local tea shop, knitting and chatting and enjoying myself. And was supposed to head out to celebrate a new friend's birthday tonight. I just couldn't put on the face needed for a party tonight though.

I had dinner with an ex last night- an ex, that after 4 years, as I told him I wanted something more and thought I had found it, decided to tell me for the first time he loved me. Turns out I hadn't found it, but that's a whole other saga in my life. It was nice to see him, and the food was fabulous - Bobby Flay's Bar Americian - but I think it drained me far more than I realized. I'm also dealing with stresses and dramas from other corners, from the job search, from the unconventional nature of myself and one of my specific relationships. I think more of me was involved that I believed... I was more vested that I thought. And comments and changes and questions seem to collide in my brain, and create this internal anxiety. Not of the relationship, but of myself, and my actions, needs and wants. And why I let myself settle once again for less than everything. With full knowledge that I was doing so. Or maybe, I just thought I was more vested, and needed the chance to over react and let it out, to find out, that I'm in a better place that I thought I was.

So, I do believe it is time to brew some of the new hot chocolate I was sent this week, and settle in with a movie. Perhaps some ice cream too... Cause I believe that combination will make it all better.